Learning to Follow

I love ballroom dancing.  It is just so elegant and beautiful. I have taken many lessons with my husband in the past (it is actually how we started dating), and through learning to dance, have learned a lot about myself as a person as well.  I tend to overanalyze everything and want to control my steps and back-lead my partner…I had to learn to wait for his signals and just follow his leads.  Once I learned how to turn my brain down while on the dance floor, the experience grew exponentially more enjoyable for my partner as well as myself.  It is so magical to be led up and down, left and right and just feel the music through my partners motions.  But letting go of control and waiting for the next move is a very hard thing to learn and even harder to be comfortable with.  It took a lot of time.  Eventually I grew to love the improv of ballroom dancing much more so than the choreographed routines.  With choreographed routines, if I miss a step, I stumble all over myself trying to fix it even if nobody else even noticed the mistake.  Not having a set routine takes this frustration out of the equation and opens the door to so many more possibilities.

I grew up in an environment that has always preached “be a leader, not a follower”.  So I worked hard at it: I worked hard to graduate with honors from a private engineering university;  I worked hard to excel at my job and climb the ladder of responsibility from team member to team lead to engineering manager;  I worked hard to build my own tutoring business when I moved internationally to be with my husband.  All of these stepping stones required extreme organization, structure and self control.  Then I became a mom…

I am now trying to learn how to follow again.  It’s like learning to ballroom dance all over again with my new partner.  When I can successfully follower her leads, my day is so much smoother than when I try to maintain control and stick to a structured schedule.  Just like ballroom dancing, the overall structure is extremely important (don’t forget to eat, nap or bath the baby), but improv between the lines is what gives each day life.  It is a very rewarding feeling to relinquish control and enjoy the moments one at a time.  With time and practice I shall learn to stop trying to choreograph my daily routine, but rather just dance through each day’s own unique rhythm.  Today may be slow and steady like a waltz, but tomorrow may be full of hustle and motion like a cha-cha.

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Big News!

I’m back!

It’s been a full year since I have posted anything, and quite a lot has changed in that time.  I am now a mother!

Now more than ever, I have a lot of to learn, explore and accept about myself as every little thing can now also influence the growth and development of my beautiful baby girl.

Being a mother is learning about strengths you didn’t know you had, and dealing with fears you didn’t know existed. ~Linda Wooten

My goal is not to be the “perfect” mom, because there really is no such thing…but perhaps I can achieve being a “good” mom more often than not.